Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Sad Accident

I have never hit an animal before in my life. Last night, I was driving along a wooded route. It was the same road I rescued the two turtles off of a few days before. I was driving cautiously, thinking there might be more turtles to move off the road. Ironically, two raccoons quickly ran in front of my car. I heard a loud thump and felt the car go *bump*. My heart sank and immediately tears came to my eyes. The day I have always feared had come; I had hit an animal. I didn't care about other cars, so I got out of my car and went to look around for the raccoons. They were nowhere to be found. But I know the sound I heard as I ran over them was real. The thud I felt was real. I have no idea what happened to the raccoons and I went home a tearful mess, imagining the raccoons walking around in pain or going somewhere to hide and slowly die.

I don't believe in killing any living thing. Not even bugs. So this was a rather traumatizing experience. When I got home last night, I emailed my Shaman friend, Four Hawks, and asked him if he could journey and tell me what had happened to the raccoons. First off, he told me he believed it was possible that the raccoon was showing me that it was my Power Animal or Totem. Also, when Four Hawks is finished going on journeys for some sick people, he will look into my raccoons for me. I hope he comes back with good news, but if it turns out the raccoons are dead somewhere, Four Hawks assured me their consciousness leaves the body and enters a newborn body elsewhere.


Anonymous said...

Forget about these sorts of things.
What you need to do is to develop your awareness to the point of avoiding these accidents.
That is what we learn in taichi and aikido. We develop this sight called "eagle-eye", where you learn not to focus your eyes or staring in order to register every movement in front of you. And you don't try to concentrate on one thing. You just let your mind roam, without really trying to control it. In this way you can meet every unexpected event in the present. Forget about concentration techniques. Concentration exercises doesn't really help. You can always concentrate if necessary, without much effort. That's what you do most of the time. So, there's no need to practice on that.
Try to expand your awareness especially of your inner world in the present. Forget what happened. Just forgive yourself for the accident and thank the animals for the lesson.
I teach you about evading, moving around, and going with force next time, if I don't forget.

Sophia said...

This actually sounds right. I was concentrating too hard on looking for turtles that I wasn't aware of the rest of my surroundings.

Gretchen Coleman said...

Stacey, I know how you feel, I hit a possum a couple of months back and was devastated, for days. He was on my route to and from the hospital (which my husband was in) so I had to see him by the side of the road for several days before he was taken away.

It was one of those unavoidable accidents. He lumbered into the road and turned around like he was headed back for the side and at the last minute walked right in front of me. There was a car beside me so I had nowhere to go.

I do like anonymous's advice to let it go. It took me weeks to let it go.

Aliashesh said...

It has happened. You feel guilty. Look at the guilt and where it is coming from. No justification of any kind is required. Your reverence for life in its countless forms is intact. Let it grow.

Sophia said...

Hi Gretchen,

I have found that six days later I already feel better. The main reason is because I'm not completely sure I killed it, since I didn't see a body on the side of the road. But I do still worry a little that he might be suffering a broken limb. :( If's it dead or alive, I hope it forgives me!

Sophia said...

Thanks, Aliashesh. :)

Castor said...

I don't look back. Sometimes you need to be hard on yourself.

Sophia said...

Hi Castor,

Try as I may, I can never not look back. Something like this haunts me and doesn't let go. It is like having a guilty conscience. Only in this case, I believe I've found that the raccoons are safe.