Friday, September 02, 2005

The Beginning

This is the first post in a blog that I intend to use as a journal of my spiritual journey. I'm not talking about religion, just spirituality. I also hope to meet others through this blog.

For about eight months now I've been - and I hate to use this word - struggling to find something to fill the empty space I've been feeling within myself. I've been looking for spirituality. I've skimmed web pages of everything from Buddhism to Astral Projection to Tarot Cards and beyond. I've also looked into Shamanism.

Since December of 2001 I've felt a particular "Oneness" with everything and everyone, but I've been looking for a way to experience enlightenment. I've been trying small doses of meditation, even. Most nights, I play soothing New Age music to put me to sleep while I let my mind wander off into nothingness. (Sometimes I admit I try to reach the so-called "astral plane". But I can't say I've had any success yet.)

I have a strong fascination with dreams. For a few years now I've kept a dream journal. Sometimes I try to interpret their meanings, and other times I simply let them be. I've gone lucid a few times, even once I thought I had an out-of-body experience, but I'm not completely certain.

My main goal right now is to find a spiritual teacher, guru, master, mentor or just someone who can help me feel around. I really hope that I can be blessed with such a person. I've been looking high and low, but haven't found who or what I'm looking for yet. I don't know if I should go looking for them, or if in time they will find me. I just hope that someday that time will come.


--m said...

Hi - I think what you are doing is great. Don't give up. It may take years. Everyone has a different faith story.

I feel really lucky because I started going to a church where I leave each Sunday totally inspired to do the best with what I've got and with those I come in contact with. I finally feel grounded in something tangible.

If you ever have some spare time, you may want to listen to one of the archived sermons I really liked the Easter sermon this year.

Sun Singer said...

Your blog is a beautiful step along the seeker's path. For me, one of the more difficult lessons of the journey was learning how to stop worrying about and focussing on outcomes. When I focussed on outcomes, I missed out on most of the stuff along the trail because I wasn't looking at it: I was looking at what I believed I might find at the end of the journey. On my worst days, I must remind myself that objectives, goals, schedules, and accomplishments are alien to the path and only hold me back. I take a deep breath and center myself in "the now" and absorb the fact that that's all there is. The journey, I think, must unfold naturally like a rose.

Sophia said...

Hi --m. Thanks for your comments. At first I think I was looking for instant results, but now I'm starting to see it will take time. :)

Sophia said...

Hi Sun Singer,

Beautifully spoken. I admit that I fall prey to this very thing: I focus too much on what I expect will happen instead of just letting things unfold naturally and living in the moment.

I do need to just let go and be in "the now", like you've said in your comment.

Anonymous said...

I've been thru some journey myself and found nothing.
There's nothing out there except numerous stars and galaxies. It's all in there. And there's no particular path that can lead you to it. Just believe in yourself and try to get to know yourself.

Anonymous said...

There is a natural unfolding it seems that can not be forced. Like the birth of a baby, it happens in its own time despite the desires and plans swimming all around.

Nisargadatta's conversations in, "I am That" are truly thought provoking and astounding. If you feel so inspired, his outlook is termed, 'Advita Vedanta'...prepare to be amazed:)

All the best

Sophia said...

Anonymous 2,

I've seen that book on a webpage before and it caught my eye. I will have to add that to my stack of thought-provoking books. I may just be living in my own world for a while, lost in books. :)

Sophia said...

Anonymous 1,

Perhaps you found nothing because you had predetermined in your mind what you would find, and when you didn't find it, you believed there to be nothing. I believe there is something, it's just that we're blind to it and unaware of it, and our minds don't know how to make sense of it since we're so predisposed to the current reality we think we live in.

Castor said...

Yes, Stacey. I found myself!

Eliyahu ben Avraham vaSarah said...

Hello! I found your blog via the comment you left on Pete Townshend's blog. Very cool site you have here. I haven't had a chance to do more than skim your entries, but I will definitely be back when I have some free time (being a grad student "free time" is something I don't often have much of). Good luck with your journey.