Having not been very inspired lately, I've been going through what most writers would call "Writers' Block". Basically, I just don't know what to write on my blog, so you might have noticed some days when I simply say nothing at all. Well, tonight I've paid a visit to Paul Lambert's blog, and I've found something on his blog that I want to write about: Fear.
While I do not have a debilitating fear of snakes, bugs, heights, tunnels, etc., I do have some fears that are related to my future; fears that I've had for quite some time. These may be seen as minor insecurities to some, but to me, they seem to make the difference between life and death.
What are my fears? I fear that someday I might not have a roof over my head. I'm afraid someday something might happen to me and I won't be able to work. I'm afraid, after working for more than three years at the same place, that I won't be made a permanent employee. (I'm on a contract right now.) I'm afraid if I don't get made permanent that I'll have to go through another interview. It all boils down to that interview. I'm terrified of interviews. I know if I lose my job I could get another job somewhere else, but it's that interview that I have to have that scares me. I'm also afraid of change. I like the way things are now. I like where I sit at work. I've been offered a chance to move, but I wanted to stay right where I was. I think I'm afaid of change because if I do decide to change something, I might not like it and therefore won't be able to go back to the way things were beforehand. Most change is enforced upon me, and therefore I don't have much choice.
Recently I was offered a big change at work. I took it. For eight months I was a terribly unhappy person. I regretted making the decision. Lucky for me, this time I was blessed with the option of making things the way they were beforehand. But I might not be that lucky again. Because of that eight-month time period, I find change petrifying.
I think all this fear is yet another obstacle on my course to enlightenment.
I wish I could say I had a moral to this story, but I don't. What I'd like to ask you is this: What are you most afraid of? How do you face your fears?