Thursday, October 06, 2005

Dreams from October 6, 2005

Dream 1:

I'm in a house. I think it might be a house that I share with my mother in the dream. There is a girl in a room with me. I'm thrilled that she is here, because she is a very popular girl in school and I can't believe she'd want to spend time with me. I am discussing something with her and I am in the middle of talking when suddenly she turns the radio up real loud, so loud it hurts my ears. I get aggrevated that she would do that in the middle of my speech. I yell at her, "Get out! Get out of the house! Go!" She heads towards the front door, all the while apologizing for turning the radio up. I continue telling her to get out. When she is finally outside the storm door, she takes a look at me one last time and says, "I'm really sorry." The look on her face is pitiful so I say, "OK," and I let her back in. We go back up to the room and I start talking once more. Again she turns the radio up real loud in the middle of my words. This time, it suddenly hits me. I say, "I get it now." She responds, "What?" I say, "You have Crohn's Disease and you don't want me to hear it." She gets an embarrassed look on her face. Finally she admits that I'm correct. I feel guilty for getting mad at her when she was only trying to cover up a side effect of her ailment. I turn the radio down, and she says, "I'm embarrassed to be in the same room with you right now." I tell her, "Don't be embarrassed. I'm your friend. I don't care."

(In real life I've only known a couple of people with Crohn's Disease.)

Dream 2:

I'm on a college campus. I look at my watch and see it is 2:45pm. That means I've missed my morning class. I get upset with myself because it's not the first time it's happened. Actually, I've almost missed all of my classes for the whole semester. On the way to my second class I bump into a guy I knew in real life. His real name is Adrian, only in the dream I say, "Hello, Aaron." Then I wonder to myself if I got his name right. I think, "I hope I got his name right. How could I forget a friend's name?" But then I'm satisfied that I got his name right because in the dream his name really is Aaron.

I'm on a pathway between buildings, trying to make it to class. Suddenly my right tennis shoe completely falls apart. It is laying in pieces on the pathway. Everyone points and starts laughing, making fun of me for having a shoe that falls apart. I feel hurt, and say, "I just bought these yesterday!"

I run to a class inside a building. It's an auditorium-style class. The class isn't mine, but I'm hoping to run through the back to go to another door. The class has started and everyone is quiet while I'm in the back running behind the seats, trying to make it out the other door before anyone notices me. I make it to a door, but it is made of metal and a big lock is on it so I can't go out that way. The professor notices me. I feel embarrassed to be seen. I'm crying still from having been made fun of. The professor heads towards me and puts his arm around me. We start flying in the room. He says, "It'll be OK. I'd like to film you. Come with me. I know it's the drugs." I protest, "But I'm not on drugs." He still continues saying he'd like to film this and while flying he leads me to another room. He goes on believing that I'm on drugs.

(In real life, in elementary and high school I was picked on a lot, but in college I was somewhat popular. I even got voted to be on the homecoming court. I think the early years are still nightmarish for me, even though my college years more than make-up for the earlier experiences.)


Pollux said...

Dream #1:
Now, you've finally realized at least in a dream that nobody's perfect (that includes you).
So you don't have to be envious of anybody. Instead you now have compassion.
I've been thinking lately that a lot of what we say or do is motivated by the desire to impress others, in order not to feel inferior. This includes our desire to be enlightened. We think enlightenment is the highest goal anybody could achieve. This is perhaps also the reason why even very successful, very talented, very attractive people seek it; they realize that beauty and brains is not good enough.
This is also the reason why some enlightend people are not really impressed with any discipline or endeavor we are into, because it entails some degree of selfishness. Anyway whether we like it or not our search for enlightenment is motivated by a high degree of self-love. No matter. We should simply be aware of this and nothing more. We don't have to try to be selfless
and humble about anything.
Seeing is enough. To see that we are not selfless and not humble is true selflessness and humility.
When we know that we are sinners
and not saints, we learn to live by faith and by grace.
I guess this sounds like some "born-again" Christian preaching but this just an analogy. To push it further
I am afraid this journey called enlightenment is really not about saintliness but about forgetting ourselves for the greater good or God, if you choose to call it.
This sound contradictory because
this trip involves being aware of our thoughts and learning to know ourselves more than anything else. How do I explain this?
Briefly: In order to be able to forget myself I need to be aware of my thoughts, feelings, and actions, which make up myself.
By being aware of these, I can learn to ignore their power and tyranny. Thus we are not bothered
by them and therefore become more aware of what really matters.
Finally to forget oneself is to
become anonymous. This sounds discouraging I know, but you don't have to try with all your might to be anonymous.
This thought came to me just this afternoon on my way back home:
The true saint and the unrepentant
sinner have one thing in common;
Both don't mind being anonymous!
Just thoughts and opinions from a
fellow traveler.

Pollux said...

Dream #2:
You still worry about
what people think or say about you. You still think this is very important. This is like doing meditation in order to look good
and saintly.
Just remember no matter what people think or gossip about you has no real significance or value
especially if you know it is not true. Even if it is true, it is not their business. They have their own terrible faults and secrets to hide by picking on you.
If people cannot put you down
with dishonest criticisms, lies, and insults, then nothing can really bother or hurt you. Then you can forget yourself and concentrate on what really matters.

Mark Walter said...

Vivid dreams, Stacey. Whenever I am on college campuses in my dreams, I realize I am in heaven's schools. Sometimes it is classroom settings with teaching going on. Sometimes I'll walk through a door on a campus, and a whole reality scene will open up. And there are times where, like yours, the two will sort of merge.

Also, my experience is not many people fly (or at least remember flying) in their dreams. I have been told that it is a sign of spirituality.

Rob said...

Now I come to think of it I have had many dreams about flying in the air. (I am usually swimming breast-stroke style.) Water is often a symbol of the subconscious so I guess that flying through air could be symbolic of wanting to lead a more conscious life -or perhaps a more spiritual life.
Incidentally the professor may represent an aspect of yourself that wants to be filmed i.e. that is in need of attention.

Aaron said...

I found the second dream more interesting because my name popped up in it, so I'll take a shot at that one. I don't know much about dream interpretation as such, so I'll just interpret it as if it were a fable in a storybook.

Missing your first classes seems to indicate that you feel like you've missed out on stuff in your childhood. The fact that you slept through those classes, rather than intentionally ditching them and doing something fun, suggests that you're afraid nothing important took place during the early phase of your life. Whatever the particular circumstances of your childhood, perhaps you feel like you were effectively unconscious back then -- like you hadn't achieved the level of awareness and thought that you currently possess. (Or perhaps you wish your were unconscious back then, given that you didn't seem to have had a happy time.)

As for bumping into Adrian and calling him "Aaron" ... it's probably because some guy named "Aaron" has been leaving long-winded comments on your blog. :-) Anyway, assuming that the name "Aaron" has any meaning for you in the present, then maybe using it to refer to Adrian indicates a desire to see your past (including the people in your past) in light of what you've learned in the present. I.e., you're trying to reinterpret and re-evaluate the past in terms of what you know and value right now. Assuming Adrian was only an acquaintance and not a good friend, then maybe you're trying to shine the light of the present onto a past that you didn't really know or see clearly back then. And the fact that you got the name right in the dream suggests that you believe (or at least hope) that you've been successful in sorting out your past.

As for the shoe that fell apart -- well, it was new, and it was made for walking. I think the shoes represent your search for spiritual meaning -- your desire to find a new "form of life", a new vehicle for making your way through the world. The fact that one of them fell apart, even when brand new, suggests you're afraid that some of the things you've learned may be false or fraudulent; maybe you feel you've been lied to or taken advantage of. (Based on what you've posted about fake spiritual teachers, this does seem to be a real concern of yours.) And the people who made fun of your damaged shoe may represent your concerns about being riduculed for your spiritual desires. I mean, let's be honest -- certain types of people are going to make fun of you and think of you as a "filthy hippie" because of your interest in spirituality. And while other people's opinions don't matter if you're on the right track, they will be all the more hurtful if it turns out that you've been on the wrong track (i.e., if your new shoes fall apart). However, since only one shoe fell apart, maybe you feel that you're at least partly on the right track, despite your reservations.

As for stumbling into a random auditorium classroom and meeting that professor, I think it could indicate your desire to find (or be found by) a spiritual teacher -- or maybe it represents some past experience with mentors and teachers. You were in a large place where nobody knew your identity, you were moving around in the back, upset by your faulty shoe, and the professor noticed you and singled you out. This seems to indicate a desire to be noticed by some mentor figure. The fact that he wanted to film you may (as someone else pointed out) indicate a desire for attention. Not just being noticed in the present, though, but also remembered, which may be why the professor wanted to film you, rather than simply praise you in front of the class or something.

Additionally, film is a relatively live, temporal medium -- maybe this suggests that you want people to see more than just bits and pieces of you, more than just snapshots. You want people to see you in motion, and to understand how you developed through time into what you are now. (It may also suggest that your are fairly open and free of shame or embarrassment, as film captures a lot of stuff that photographs leave out.)

As for flying away with the professor, this may represent the hope that you'll find a mentor figure who will take you to new spirutual heights, and away from where you are now (I assume you're not *totally* happy with your current situation). It may also reflect a belief that your spiritual quest somehow sets you apart from others, whether because you're misunderstood, or persecuted, or more enlightened. Anyway, the fact that the professor thought you were on drugs suggests that you do feel misunderstood, even by those you see as your mentors. What's worse, they misunderstand you in a way that is insulting -- they trivialize your problems and attribute them to the usual 'bad influences'. Kind of like that guy who called you a "filthy hippie".

Well, anyway, that's pretty much all I have. All I had to work with were the words you wrote in the post, and what litle I know of you from other posts here and there, so it may all be a bunch of crap. Feel free to disregard. :-)