Synchronicity Journal August 24, 2005

I just posted some stream-of-consciousness on my blog, and some of the words I used were "child's play". As soon as I hit "publish post", I went to a random webpage and there was an ad at the top that said in red letters, "...child's play".

Dream from November 27, 2004

The Vessel posted a really special dream about a hot-air balloon ride. While reading it, I was reminded that late last year I too had a dream about riding in a hot-air balloon. Here is my dream:

I'm riding in a hot air balloon with a man and his wife. They're in
their 50s or 60s. The basket of the balloon is not the usual basket,
but more like something from an amusement park ride, with a bar across
the front, and open space by the legs so it didn't feel entirely secure.
Below, far below, I saw cars and houses, roads, highways, trees, and
more.

Each time the balloon turned I felt as if I was going to fall out. I
held on tight to the bar and got as close to the wall of the basket as
possible. The woman said she had to go out of the basket to fix
something below. When she got out, I was surprised at how much ease she did her work with, all the while I feel like I'm about to fall out.

When I can't stand watching her anymore, I grab one of her hands and
hold on. In fact, to feel I won't lose my grip, I then use both hands
to hold onto hers. (Remember, to her it was no big deal to be outside
the basket. I was the only one worried.)

Next scene: We're all three back in the basket, standing and looking at
the world below. The man is between me and his wife. He puts his hand on my back and starts stroking me. To put this in gentle terms, I felt aroused. I begin breathing heavily.

It is time to get ready to land, and we get closer to the ground, so
close we ride under an exit sign on the highway.

Happiness

What makes you happy?

The Alien Song (for Those Who Listen)

NonDualReality made a post on his blog yesterday about aliens. He provided a hypothetical scenario in which aliens could give us a limitless supply of energy. The key word is "could". The question he asks is, "Would they?" They can see just what we've done to the planet and to each other.

This particular post reminded me of one of my favorite songs from high school. It's called, "The Alien Song", by Milla Jevovich.

Here are the lyrics:


I see a shining...
A sweeping from the clouds
A glimmer of hope
Is coming to feel our light
Oh look it's flashing
This life among the stars
Reaching out to know us
To feel our might
Oh...this restless hope in you
Please...try and help us
Stand on our own
As we stopped on this pavement
And saw your dying mind
Paper, for which you're killing brothers life
Help you, we cannot trust you
We cannot understand
Your people's proud destruction
Of their own land
Oh...we're flying on from you
We...will not stay to see your fate
Watch them fly away
Watch them fly away
See the lines across the sky
Watch them fly...away

Haiku for October 26, 2005

The whispering wind,
The leaves soaring to the ground-
Orange, red, yellow, brown.

Also be sure to check out Beard's Autumn haiku: Thought

Why?

Why do you do it?

Floatation Tanks?

Has anyone been in a floatation tank? (Otherwise known as Samadhi Tanks, Sensory Deprivation Tanks, Float Tanks, etc.)

Supposedly, the machine helps take away all forms of senses - sight, smell, sound, touch - enough to leave nothing but the mind to do as it will. I've read of some people having strong lucid dreams using one of these tanks. Also, they can be used for deep meditation.

I'm interested in using one, but there are no spas in my area that has one for me to rent some time in. The only other option is buying one, and that is a crazy idea at this point until I've heard that it's a must-have.

Does anyone have anything to say about these tanks?

A Goodnight Post

I'm getting ready to go to bed, so I thought I'd post something to give you all something to think about. The question is simple. What about the answer?

Here is my question for you:

What do you value the most?

Dream from September 2, 2005

[Note: These scenes may not be in order, but I believe they're from the same dream.]

I'm at some kind of freak show, I think. There are certainly "all types" around.

I'm carrying a big bone of meat around with me. I want to give it to "Wolfman". I ask around for Wolfman, and tell some of the crew that I have some meat to give him, and they say, "Why don't you just give it to him?" and they point to a lion. I ask, "Will it bite me?" They respond, "No." So I give the meat to the lion.

In another part of the dream, there is an extremely tall woman - a giant - about to come indoors to the building I'm in. I hold the door open for her, saying, "For the lady." She thanks me and bends down to walk through the door.

In yet another part of the dream I'm carrying around a bone of meat. For some reason I'm holding it in front of my face, trying to rip it away because that little thing that hangs down in the back of my mouth - the uvula - has somehow attached itself to the meat and won't let go, almost as if it's come alive. I feel as if I'm choking, and I can't rip the meat away from the uvula.

Fear

Having not been very inspired lately, I've been going through what most writers would call "Writers' Block". Basically, I just don't know what to write on my blog, so you might have noticed some days when I simply say nothing at all. Well, tonight I've paid a visit to Paul Lambert's blog, and I've found something on his blog that I want to write about: Fear.

While I do not have a debilitating fear of snakes, bugs, heights, tunnels, etc., I do have some fears that are related to my future; fears that I've had for quite some time. These may be seen as minor insecurities to some, but to me, they seem to make the difference between life and death.

What are my fears? I fear that someday I might not have a roof over my head. I'm afraid someday something might happen to me and I won't be able to work. I'm afraid, after working for more than three years at the same place, that I won't be made a permanent employee. (I'm on a contract right now.) I'm afraid if I don't get made permanent that I'll have to go through another interview. It all boils down to that interview. I'm terrified of interviews. I know if I lose my job I could get another job somewhere else, but it's that interview that I have to have that scares me. I'm also afraid of change. I like the way things are now. I like where I sit at work. I've been offered a chance to move, but I wanted to stay right where I was. I think I'm afaid of change because if I do decide to change something, I might not like it and therefore won't be able to go back to the way things were beforehand. Most change is enforced upon me, and therefore I don't have much choice.

Recently I was offered a big change at work. I took it. For eight months I was a terribly unhappy person. I regretted making the decision. Lucky for me, this time I was blessed with the option of making things the way they were beforehand. But I might not be that lucky again. Because of that eight-month time period, I find change petrifying.

I think all this fear is yet another obstacle on my course to enlightenment.

I wish I could say I had a moral to this story, but I don't. What I'd like to ask you is this: What are you most afraid of? How do you face your fears?

Dreams from October 21, 2005

Dream 1:

I have a new kitten [similar to the one in the photograph]. His name is "Jack". My bed is outside. I'm on the bed. I see Jack playing around a big patch of grass. I call to him, "Here kitty kitty kitty kitty!" He comes up to me and jumps up on the bed. I pet him. Suddenly I realize that his name shouldn't be "Jack". All of my other cats' and dogs' names begin with a "P", so I should keep it consistent and name the kitten differently, with a name that begins with "P". I think through different names like, "Paps", "Pips", etc.

[Note: I don't really have a new kitten in real life. I already have three cats and two dogs; that's more than enough! And all their names truly do begin with a "P".]

Dream 2:

I'm a passenger in a car that my sister is driving. She's in her lane when she comes up to a red truck that is facing our way in our lane. It's just sitting there. I start to get angry that the driver thinks it can just use our lane to block traffic. I start yelling and gesturing for him to get out of our lane and into the correct lane - the lane where traffic is stopped. Finally he starts to move to the other lane. I get out of the car and run up to his open window. I yell at him, "Don't you ever do that to my little sister! If you do I'll give you the finger!"

[Note: I woke myself up by screaming those words at him. This is another one of those dreams where I surprise myself by being so angry. I am not myself in these dreams of anger. Although, I will admit that sometimes other drivers in real life can anger me.]

Dream 3:

I keep seeing myself with long hair full of waves and volume. In my dream I'm just sitting there looking back at myself.

[Note: This is probably one of the first third-person dreams I've had of myself. In real life I do have long hair but it isn't wavy, nor does it have a lot of volume. It's mostly straight and flat.]

Dream 4:

I hear the girl I work with saying to my boss, "Stacey really is fast."

[Note: I think this has to do with the project I just finished. It's the first time there's been a deadline that I've helped my boss to reach. I worked really hard to get it done, and I had it finished just in the nick of time.]

Synchronicity Journal October 17, 2005

Amos Newton reminded me that there are people out there who are interested in reading about my synchronistic occurences. So this one's for him:

Monday, October 17, 2005

My computer at work was not functioning, so I had to use another computer that belonged to an ex-employee that moved away for another job. I was on Google searching for things related to amber and fossilized insects preserved in amber. Then it hit me, the girl that used to sit at this desk was named "Amber"!

The Eternal Essence of Love

[This essay is by my friend, D.R. Bennett. I really liked what he had to say about Love so I asked him for his permission to post this.]

Throughout Western history there has always been this hope for a better life-- something more than what nature had already provided. The inventions and innovations that came forward to help us move into the future are the modern conveniences that we use today; the telephone, internet, cars, planes and medical equipment.

Yet, in all this advancement, there is still an underlying void that is never filled. It is the deep human need to feel love and acceptance. No matter how much we advance technologically, there will still be this need to feel and express what we call Love. This leads us to the question, What Is Love?

To me, Love is a never-ending stream of Consciousness. It does not judge or put guilt on someone. It accepts you for who and what you are. Love overlooks all human flaws, if any of them can even be considered as ‘flaws’.

Love is not egotistical or proud. Love is humble, patient and long-lasting.
It does not put itself before another, yet takes care of its own needs as well as the needs of others. Love teaches us to take care of ourselves.

Love goes beyond all of our human quirks and pet peeves. It sees through the lie of illusion, and notices the beautiful truth of existence. Love is like a garden that produces luscious fruit. There is plenty for the giving. ~

Love is the key to The Universe!

Go to http://www.freewebs.com/drbennett

My View on Homosexuality

This post may come as a shock to most people. I usually avoid political subjects. Politics usually get people into arguments, and I'm the kind of person who truly dislikes arguments. I like harmony. Anyway, there may be some of you who disagree with my post, and I just want you to know that it's OK. Disagreements are different from arguments. Two people can sit and in a friendly manner debate upon a subject. Just as long as no verbal weapons are introduced, it's kosher.

I'll simply say this: Homosexuality seems as legit to me as heterosexuality. I have a philosophical reason for my opinion on this. Love is larger than flesh. We are all One and therefore are the same as each other. Man or woman, it does not matter. There are no genders in the world of the spiritual. There are no bodies to connect. The spirit is what connects.

So yes, I do support same-sex marriages. For those of you that agree with me, thanks. For those of you that do not, please don't judge me any differently.

Feel free to post your comments on this. If you do not feel like sharing your identity, you are allowed to remain anonymous while commenting on my blog.

To Change

Where are you? You've disappeared. Traveling?

To Karl

Where do you get your inspiration for your writings?

Dreams from October 19, 2005

Dream 1:

I'm in a room with lots of people around my age that are lying on the floor smoking something. Someone gives me some. It's a plant. The plant is tubular with leaves growing out of the tube. The trick is to light the end of the tube and suck in the smoke through the other end of the tube. The leaves burn causing smoke to come through the tube. I get high.

[Note: I'm not a drug user in real life. I have tried marijuana a couple of times in my past, but I've never been a so-called "user". I've also smoked a legal plant known as "Salvia" while on a part of my spiritual journey.]

Dream 2:

I'm sitting in the passenger seat of an empty car in a driveway somewhere. Someone I've spoken to on the internet several times is outside the car but he doesn't notice me. I don't want him to because I feel that I don't look my best that particular day.

Nap Dream from October 20, 2005

[Note: If the word "bra" offends you, you may want to skip this particular post. I try not to accept any responsibility for my dreams. They happen on their own accord.]

I work in a government institution. I'm feeling a bit sick and report to the room for sick people. A priest is the ward of the room. First I have to sign-on to a computer so the institution knows my whereabouts. The priest gives me an outfit I have to wear to be in the room. It's a one-piece soft suit made out of a flannel-like material that also covers the feet. As I'm signing-on to the computer, the priest puts his hand on my shoulder and starts rubbing my neck. It feels relaxing.

Somehow I leave the institution. I'm still wearing the outfit. I don't have a bra on and I feel very insecure and exposed. I'm afraid people will notice that I'm not wearing one.

I end-up in a bar or club of some sort. I am wearing sunglasses and have my hair pulled back and a hat on. I think I see Mel Gibson sitting at the bar with a hat and sunglasses on, too. I think this must be a bar where famous people sometimes show-up.

Using my arms, I fold them against my chest to keep people from noticing that I'm not wearing a bra. I start walking to another room of the bar, and some woman sitting at a table must think I'm a famous person because of the incognito way I'm all covered up, with hat and sunglasses. She gets up and quickly takes my picture. The flash goes off and I feel its warmth, the flash burning my eyes a bit causing me to close them for a while.

Suddenly I realize that I'm supposed to be at the institution and that I forgot to sign out of the computer program and go back to work. I feel afraid that I'll get in trouble and lose my job.

Dream from October 18, 2005

[Note: I'm not sure I had this dream last night, but I just remembered it, so I either had it last night or in the past few days.]

There is a little boy with blonde hair sitting on the floor in front of a television. He is watching the cartoon series called "He-Man". I sit behind him and say to him, "I used to watch this cartoon when I was a kid."

[Note: I watched this cartoon all the time as a kid. I even had lots of He-Man toys.]

Nap Dream from October 17, 2005

I'm wearing a black t-shirt with David Bowie as "Aladdin Sane" on the front of it. I'm on a small speed boat in the water, and David Bowie is on another boat. I keep pointing at my shirt and trying hard to get his attention.

[Note: I'm a David Bowie fan. I fell in love with him as a young girl when he was in the Jim Henson classic called "Labyrinth". I became a DB music fan about three years ago. I saw him in concert last year.]

The Soul

"What the soul knows is often unknown to the man who has a soul. We are infinitely more than we think."

(Extract from one of Kahlil Gibran's letters dated 6th October 1915)

Haiku October 17, 2005

Fresh babbling water
Frog jumps off the lily pad
Catching its breakfast

Devoid of Feelings?

I watched a movie last night called "Equilibrium". In a way it was similar to Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451", in that books are one of the items that are banned from society.

In the movie, there has been a third world war. World leaders believe that man's emotions are to blame for the inhumanity to mankind, and fear that a fourth world war will destroy all of human life. Therefore, the new leaders set out to destroy emotions by banning books, art and music. The citizens must also take a mood-neutralizing drug known as "Prozium". Anyone caught with banned items or showing any emotion at all - through not taking the Prozium - is immediately incinerated. Christian Bale plays a character who is known as a Grammaton Cleric. The Grammaton is an elite team of members who help capture offenders and destroy banned items. Bale's mission in the film is to locate The Underground, a group of rebels.

Bale accidently drops and breaks one of his Prozium injections, and begins to feel emotions. He doesn't want to let go of these new feelings. This brings me to what I want to talk about.

In my search for spirituality, I have run across a belief that says thoughts can be a hindrence to enlightenment. I am assuming this goes with feelings as well. I think the point of these beliefs is to let go of any type of attachment so that one can experience Nirvana, or enlightenment. Thoughts and feelings lead to attachment. Attachment, therefore, keeps us from becoming enlightened. Or so they say. I am not sure I can cope with this.

How can I not let my heart soar to hear Beethoven? How can I keep from falling in love with a book? How can my heart not break to see a stray animal? How can I not look at and admire Botticelli's Primavera over and over again? I can't. I simply must feel these emotions. What would I be without emotion? Do thoughts not cause emotions, and do emotions not cause thoughts? You can tell me to get rid of thoughts, but then I might not feel.

Do you who have no thoughts also not have any emotions? How do you separate the two? How can you live without thoughts but still feel emotion? Or do you?

Please let me know what you think.

Coba Haiku

Rain pouring from clouds
Pyramid high in the sky
On the Mayan road

Nap Dream from October 16, 2005

I was somewhere looking at different chapsticks/lip moisturizers for air instrument players. I was looking specifically for something for flute players. I would look on the back labels of the packages to see if they could be used with the flute, but most of the ones I looked at were for other instruments, like the clarinet or the trumpet, etc..

[Note: I played the flute for six years when I was in elementary through high school. I also played the piano. I still have these instruments here at home but don't really play them that much. Also, as far as I am aware, I've never seen such a thing as a lip moisturizer made for instrument players.]

The State of My Dreams in Mexico Plus Some Dreams from Today, October 15, 2005

I can't remember a single dream from Mexico. During my trip I tried to recall a dream, but I think I did this practice too late in the day. You see, I was too excited to practice dream recall. In the morning, upon awakening, I had other things in mind. I would be thinking about my events for the day and I'd be too excited to think about dreams.

I do have some dreams I remembered from today. I have pretty much slept all day. With the exception of getting up long enough this morning to rescue the dogs from the kennel, I slept from about 2:00 am this morning to 5:00pm this evening, for a total of about 13 hours. I still had a hard time waking up.

Dream 1:

There was a bench that David was about to sit down on. There was a long pole sticking up out of it. I warned him not to sit down, but it was too late. He impaled himself on the pole. He got up slowly with a horrible look on his face, making a terrible sound with his cries of pain.

Other misc. dreams:

I've had several dreams of one of my tour guides from Mexico. The guide's name is Mosiah from the Tulum ruins site. I don't remember the dreams, just that he has been the central character in them.

I'm Back!

Hi everyone! I'm back from my adventure to the Yucatan. I had the time of my life. In fact, it was the best vacation I've ever had. There is so much I want to say about it right now that I doubt I'll get it all in one post, so I'll probably add more later.

My favorite part about the trip was the snorkeling. I saw lots of marine habitat in the ocean and in several cenotes. Cenotes are popular in the Yucatan region. The water in the ocean there is very warm and easy to walk right into, however, the water in the cenotes is very cold! I had to take my time and tip-toe gently into the water. The best part was when we went to a cave called "Dos Ojos" - Two Eyes - and snorkeled through hidden tunnels. Our personal guide had a 1200 watts light and we were able to see beautiful cave formations deep in the clear cool water. In the ocean and lagoons we went to, we saw colorful fish, unlike anything I've seen in the Louisville, KY area.

The Mexicans there were very friendly and surprisingly almost every one of them spoke some English. There were a few that didn't, and I had a chance to practice my Spanish with them. A few times I got a good laugh out of some of them as they could probably tell my Spanish wasn't perfect. In the end, we were still able to communicate.

We went to two different sites of ruins: the ruins in Tulum and the ruins in Coba. It was a beautiful sunny day when we went to Tulum, so I was able to get some great pictures. However, the day we went to Coba we didn't fare so well. It rained so hard it was practically a monsoon! The funny thing is, Coba means "waters stirred by the wind". As soon as we got to that site, it started pouring. It poured the whole time we were there. As we were walking out the gates of the park, the rain stopped.

I saw some things I'll never forget: a poor young Mexican girl reaching her hand out to our car asking for money, a Mexican worker on the side of the road cutting weeds with a machete, huts made out of palm tree leaves, rugged roads through the jungle... Everytime I went to a shopping village the vendors would run up to me and try very hard to get any money out of me that they could. I learned how to bargain with them. Of course they always wanted more money than things were worth, so I'd offer a lower price and they'd come back with something halfway between my price and theirs, and we'd continue until either I bought or walked away, and usually when I walked away they'd run back up to me and say, "OK, you can have at this price." To tell you the truth, it was kind of sad. I wish I could give them more money, for they are more poor than I am, but I am not rich either.

I know I said I would swim with the dolphins, and that that was one of the activities that I was most interested in pursuing. However, when I entered the park that I was going to swim with them in - "Xel-ha" - and saw how small of a water-pen they were kept in, my heart broke at their loss of freedom and I couldn't pay the $115 to support caging an animal in this way. I didn't really think about this before going down there, I guess it just took seeing it to spark the negative emotions.

Yes, I did give in to my desire for material things. I wanted to bring some items home with me from Mexico, so I bought a few souvenirs, all of which were handmade in Mexico. I did find my Mexican skeleton, handcrafted beautifully out of cedar wood. I also bought a Mexican opal charm laid in silver, and the most interesting of all my souvenirs - a sterling silver ring with an amber stone. Inside the amber is a perfectly preserved carpenter ant. I wonder how old it is. There also appears to be a tiny gnat. I spoke with the jeweler about his handicraft and he really seems to enjoy it. He had the most interested jewelry of all the shops I had been to. Sterling silver shops are found all over Mexico.

Another thing worth mentioning is that I really enjoyed learning about the Mayans. Maybe later I'll talk a little more about the ruins I went to and the various gods they worshipped. I will say that they were astronomy wizards and built their architecture according to the stars and directions.

Well, that's all for now. It is 1:15am my time and I am very tired from all the traveling. I will do my unpacking tomorrow. I just had to get on here and say hello to everyone and give you an intro to what happened while I was in Mexico.

Oh, and I definitely missed you guys! One of the first things I did upon my return home was to get on this computer and post this. :)

Is This Goodbye?

In two days - Monday - I'll be leaving for Mexico. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to miss you! I'll be hoping and wishing that maybe there is a computer somewhere in the hotel that I can use to stop by and say hello, but somehow I doubt that I will be so lucky. I guess that means I'll have to live without blogging and my wonderful friends for a week. But still, I am very much looking forward to this vacation. It will be the first time in my entire life - 27 years - that I've gone out of the country. I am excited about seeing a different culture. Plus, I'll get to actually see if my years of classes of Spanish have paid off. But just in case, I'm bringing along my handy electronic handheld Spanish-English translator that I've had since high school.

Some of the things that I'm most excited about are swimming with the dolphins. It's a little expensive for this opportunity, but it's something I just can't pass up. Then there is the snorkeling in the cenotes. That should be just divine! I'm anxious about seeing for the first time in my life clear blue waters. I've only been to the Atlantic Ocean on the east coast, and its waters aren't pretty blue. The ruins at Tulum and Coba should be quite the adventure, too. It's going to be pulling it pretty close, but I'm hoping they will have started decorating for El Dia de los Muertos. That is The Day of the Dead, November 1-2. I won't be there on those days but I'll be there until October 14th, so hopefully I will catch some sights of this particular festivity. I'm not much of a shopper, but I do want to purchase a souvenir with this theme. The little skeletons are cute. You might be thinking I'm weird because of my interest in this, but let me tell you a little about this special holiday.

El Dia de los Muertos is a Mexican holiday in which the people celebrate those who have died. It is a way of honoring their dead, as well as remembering them. It is not morbid at all, but a very festive and happy occasion. Everywhere gravesites are decorated and there are lots of foods and candies. There are parades and people wearing masks and costumes.

It really is a shame that I will not be there to see this, but again, maybe I'll get a chance to see some pre-holiday decorations.

Let me get back to what I wanted to say in the beginning. I'm really going to miss everyone and I hope you'll come back and visit me when I return. I'll be looking forward to catching up on all your blogs, too.

Dreams from October 8, 2005

Dream 1:

(This is just a fragment.) I'm flying high up in the sky around the clouds. There are other people in the distance flying, too. There is a city bus up in the sky that is stopped and I go to the door to get on the bus.

Dream 2:

A younger guy asks me to come smoke something with him. I follow him to a secluded place. He has a brown cigarette-looking thing. He asks me, "How much do you want?" I try to be polite and say, "Just give me however much you want me to have." So, he clips off a tiny amount, so small there is really nothing there to smoke. He takes his and sticks it up his nostril and accidently lights it. It catches fire and burns, and he starts to panic thinking it will burn him. I tell him to calm down, that it won't hurt too bad. Finally it all burns out. He asks how I knew it wouldn't hurt. I answer, "Because your nostril is slightly moist. It helps to put out the fire."

Suddenly there are some men walking towards us. They have a car. The wind starts blowing really hard. Dangerously hard, in fact. I can't hardly hear anything but the wind. The men that are walking towards me yell at me, "Hurry and get in the car!" It doesn't register with me. I stand numbed in the wind, feeling as though I'm about to be blown away. Just in the nick of time, one of the men grabs me and quickly pulls me to the car. He opens the rear door and throws me in, slamming the door behind me. When he closes the door, it quiets down inside the car, but I am watching at all the damage being done outside the car window. There is another girl in the backseat of the car with me.

One of the men gets in the drivers seat and slams on the gas pedal, putting the car in reverse. He runs the car through a forest, and I am afraid he will hit a tree, but he doesn't. He drives forward and somehow, as if through a portal, we end-up on a highway in Mexico. There are highway signs around us in Spanish. I think to myself that I had Spanish in high school and college so I can translate them.

Dreams from October 7, 2005

Dream 1:

I am in a strange medical building. The people around me are discussing a boy that is laying there. He survived sharing his mother's womb with salmon. They mention that the salmon made a good dinner.

There is a cart being pushed around. A head is on it, but the head is alive and talking even though there is not a body to go along with it.

Dream 2:

I am in a room with several other people. We are passing around coins and we are studying them, checking out different reliefs on the coins. We are also looking at other small pieces of metal.

There are lots of pieces of cake around. They are nice big pieces.

I see a girl I used to go to high school with. (Not in real life.) She was a popular girl in high school. I want her to know how I've turned out. I say to her, "I'm an Economicist." She says something like, "I saw your mother at Jazzercise and she said...." (I can't remember the rest.) I feel she is somehow putting me down. I get into it with her, telling her to shut up.

Later I am looking at a box that has been laid down on my area of the table. I open it. It's a box that belongs to the girl. Inside are several books, like small tiny medical books and a note that says her father is Robert Blake. I feel sorry for her, then. I didn't realize she was Robert Blake's daughter. (Robert Blake is an actor in our country who was accused of murder but was somehow acquited.)

Dream 3:

I am getting on a city bus. For some reason they won't let my friend Jessica on. She has a little dog with her. I try to negotiate with the bus driver. I eventually tell the female driver that if she lets my friend on, I'll go bowling with her. She agrees and lets my friend on.

Dream 4:

I'm with a group of people. I think we are a school group. We're going to an amusement park. I'm talking to the ticket man. I've forgotten my ticket. He won't let me go through. I ask if I pay money and find my ticket later, will they give me a refund? He says, "Yes." I ask my mother for some money. She gets out a few hundred dollar bills. These aren't normal bills. They're old-looking printed bills, and they are different from our country's usual style. I notice they have the year 1810 printed on them. I tell my mother, "Mom, do you have any others? Let's keep these. They are old." She says, "Yes." I look at the old bills again carefully and realize they are newer bills than I thought. They were just printed to look old. But, I find my ticket anyway so we don't have to use any money.

Dream 5:

I'm looking in a mirror. My hair has been cut very short, just below my ears. I start crying. Someone must have came and cut my hair while I was sleeping. (In real life my hair is long and straight. It is all the way down to the small of my back.)

To Karl Trask re: Derongi

Karl,

It seems you are having geographic dreams. First, your dream about the Scarlet Woman named "Savannah", then your dream about the hellion reptile named "Derongi". I mentioned that Savannah might actually be the location - Savannah, Georgia - and that there once were many brothels in that area, hence the "Scarlet Woman".

The name Derongi, that you heard the reptile speak in your dream, can be broken into two words, der and ongi. Der Ongi. That is German for "The Ongi". There is a river in Mongolia named The Ongi.

I like reading your dreams on your blog.

Nap Dream from October 6, 2005

This is a fragment of a longer dream that I had earlier while taking a nap:
It is nighttime. I am in a car driving down a road with headlights on. I come up to a dead dear laying in the road. It is bloodied. I feel sorry for the deer, and I become slightly upset, crying for it. I begin to turn left on another road. I am then at an angle to see that behind that first deer are many other dead deer laying on the road. Not two, not five, but maybe a hundred dead deer.

The next day I get ready to go to the site of the dead deer. I want to see if there are surviving babies that I might have a chance to rescue. It is daylight, and the sun is out. I arrive at the scene, but I avoid getting too close because by all the dead deer is a huge army of live deer surrounding the dead deer. I fear getting too close for they might attack me. They are there to protect their dead.

Strange Fuseli Painting

I found this image last night while researching Fuseli. (You can click on the image to make it larger.) The page it was on did not have a title, nor did it have descriptive text about the painting. Does anyone know anything about this painting, such as the title, and the story behind it? Fuseli seemed to have had a penchant for painting or drawing women in a limp laying position, such as that seen here and also in "The Nightmare".

Dreams from October 6, 2005

Dream 1:

I'm in a house. I think it might be a house that I share with my mother in the dream. There is a girl in a room with me. I'm thrilled that she is here, because she is a very popular girl in school and I can't believe she'd want to spend time with me. I am discussing something with her and I am in the middle of talking when suddenly she turns the radio up real loud, so loud it hurts my ears. I get aggrevated that she would do that in the middle of my speech. I yell at her, "Get out! Get out of the house! Go!" She heads towards the front door, all the while apologizing for turning the radio up. I continue telling her to get out. When she is finally outside the storm door, she takes a look at me one last time and says, "I'm really sorry." The look on her face is pitiful so I say, "OK," and I let her back in. We go back up to the room and I start talking once more. Again she turns the radio up real loud in the middle of my words. This time, it suddenly hits me. I say, "I get it now." She responds, "What?" I say, "You have Crohn's Disease and you don't want me to hear it." She gets an embarrassed look on her face. Finally she admits that I'm correct. I feel guilty for getting mad at her when she was only trying to cover up a side effect of her ailment. I turn the radio down, and she says, "I'm embarrassed to be in the same room with you right now." I tell her, "Don't be embarrassed. I'm your friend. I don't care."

(In real life I've only known a couple of people with Crohn's Disease.)

Dream 2:

I'm on a college campus. I look at my watch and see it is 2:45pm. That means I've missed my morning class. I get upset with myself because it's not the first time it's happened. Actually, I've almost missed all of my classes for the whole semester. On the way to my second class I bump into a guy I knew in real life. His real name is Adrian, only in the dream I say, "Hello, Aaron." Then I wonder to myself if I got his name right. I think, "I hope I got his name right. How could I forget a friend's name?" But then I'm satisfied that I got his name right because in the dream his name really is Aaron.

I'm on a pathway between buildings, trying to make it to class. Suddenly my right tennis shoe completely falls apart. It is laying in pieces on the pathway. Everyone points and starts laughing, making fun of me for having a shoe that falls apart. I feel hurt, and say, "I just bought these yesterday!"

I run to a class inside a building. It's an auditorium-style class. The class isn't mine, but I'm hoping to run through the back to go to another door. The class has started and everyone is quiet while I'm in the back running behind the seats, trying to make it out the other door before anyone notices me. I make it to a door, but it is made of metal and a big lock is on it so I can't go out that way. The professor notices me. I feel embarrassed to be seen. I'm crying still from having been made fun of. The professor heads towards me and puts his arm around me. We start flying in the room. He says, "It'll be OK. I'd like to film you. Come with me. I know it's the drugs." I protest, "But I'm not on drugs." He still continues saying he'd like to film this and while flying he leads me to another room. He goes on believing that I'm on drugs.

(In real life, in elementary and high school I was picked on a lot, but in college I was somewhat popular. I even got voted to be on the homecoming court. I think the early years are still nightmarish for me, even though my college years more than make-up for the earlier experiences.)

"Strive to give back the Divine in yourselves to the Divine in the All." - Plotinus (205-270)

My last semester in college I took a Religions of the East course. I had already had two other religion courses at school - Introduction to Christianity I and Introduction to Christianity II. (These classes don't preach Christianity, they teach the history of the religion.) At the time of these classes I didn't label myself as belonging to any certain religion or philosophy. In fact, I just didn't think about it. I took the classes because in order to get my math degree I needed so many electives. When I took the Religions of the East course, I started to feel something emerging from within myself, especially when we discussed Hinduism and Buddhism. I found out about the idea that we all form a great big "One". Basically, that I am you and you are me. In other words, there is a part of you in me and a part of me in you. We are each other. Thinking that we are separate entities is only an illusion.

To make a long story short, when this was brought-up in class and we began to study it, I started to feel a sensation of familiarity. I felt, "This is it! I believe this!" I couldn't help but smile to myself because I finally felt something real and believable, something that connected me to the rest of the universe.

It was at that point that I became interested in philosophy. Off and on from December of 2001 I dabbled a bit in Buddhism. In fact, if asked, I was a "Buddhist" for about three years. I liked knowing that I belonged to something. Only I didn't realize that this in itself was an attachment - something that Buddhists strive against. Buddhists believe that attachments get in the way of Nirvana, or enlightenment.

Last night I "met" a philosopher who I really like. His name is Plotinus, and he founded Neoplatonism. Central to Plotinus' work is the idea of this "One", from which we all emanate like sparks from a fire. Plotinus was a mystic and had several successful attempts at merging with God, or the One.

I have attempted quite a few times to have this experience myself, through meditation or astral projection. I wonder if the phenomenon known as "astral projection" is really a form of mysticism in which the soul merges with the Universe. I have not had any luck, yet, and I've been trying for months. This is one of the reasons I seek a teacher. I believe with a teacher I can learn the necessary techniques to reach this level of ascent.

Dream and Nightmare from October 4, 2005

Earlier in the afternoon yesterday I took a nap. I had a dream which I vaguely remember, but I recall that I was in the living room of someone's house, sitting upon the couch and having just received a tin lunchbox. Inside were lots of little candies from my grandmother.

Last night I had a nightmare. Like the earlier dream, I don't remember much of it. However, I do recall a corpse being brought into a room. At first it was covered in a bag. Then, the people removed the corpse and its face was all red and blotchy from having started to decay. It smelled of rot. I thought I would be sick. I tried to run to get away from the sight and smell.

To Morpheus

Morpheus,

Where are you? I want the red pill.

Taking Note

I know sometimes I don't really pay attention to things. I can unconsciously walk about like a zombie that is unaware of everything. I don't know what happens to the moments that I'm not paying attention. Am I thinking thoughts? Am I completely mindless? Well, to prove to myself that I'm not totally unaware, here are some things I've noticed today that either made me smile or get upset.

The first happened this morning. As I was about to leave for work, I saw my neighbor's indoor/outdoor kitty by my storm door peeping inside at my indoor yellow tabby. She likes the little visits. So does he. It's almost like a sweet little romance, but no contact. Sometimes she gets mad at him and will get all hissy, but this morning she was amiable.

Then at work, I got a paper cut. It's easy to notice something like that. It didn't bleed too much. Just a little. But paper cuts hurt horribly!

These might not seem like major events of a lifetime, but sometimes it's the little things that count. It's these things that remind me I'm alive. Some may say it's things like this that only add to the illusion of self and ego, but I can't ignore them.

Dreams from October 1, 2005

The last dream in this post is very significant to me. Somehow it has touched me and I can't quite explain how. Have you ever had a dream that leaves you with strong emotions? Well, that was one of those dreams. The first few dreams I'm posting aren't too important, but I'm keeping them in my dream journal. The last dream - the one I've been talking about - I had today while taking a nap.

Dream 1:

I am Willie Nelson's girlfriend. (Don't remember details, just feelings.)

I think the only reason I dreamed this is because a few months ago I saw Bob Dylan in concert and Willie Nelson played before Dylan.

Dream 2:

My stepmom is over at my house. She needs to use the bathroom. Inside I panic because I don't think my bathroom is very clean. When she is inside the bathroom and the door is closed, I hear her say through the door, "I love you, Stacey." I tell her I love her, too.

Dream 3:

I'm down on my hands and knees in the shower stall with a cleaning brush scrubbing the shower stall's floor.

Dream 4 (Nap dream):

Someone I don't know has just sent me a necklace with charms on it. I'm looking at each separate charm carefully. One is a little silver charm that has something carved into it. It reads, "Stacey, we are soul mates." There is another charm, it is a blue glowing charm, as if there is a little light inside it, but it glows mysteriously. Another charm looks round, almost like a blue coke bottle lid that has been flattened out. It too has something carved into it. It reads, "I vow to email you to let you know who I am." Somehow I get the feeling I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this necklace.

In another part of the dream, I'm talking to a wise man. I want to tell him about the necklace I've received but I remember I'm not supposed to mention it. For all I know, the wise man could have been the one to have sent it to me. He could be judging my ability to not tell secrets. But still, I am not entirely sure it was him. In the yard of the wise man are about 16 or 20 brass plate-like shields with colorful symbols that he has painted all over them. Someone in the yard is there to take them all away or to destroy them. I run with all my might to try to save one from their doom. I make it. I grab one and run off with it. The man that is there to take them away will not be able to catch me. I arrive somewhere and put it in a white plastic bag.
-----

I don't know what to make of last night's/today's dreams. The first three - especially the first one - seem very plain and just everyday-type dreams, nothing to bother interpreting. But this last one is still with me. I don't know how many of you go on about your dreams, or how they leave you feeling, but I wish I could go back into this dream and find out the answers to some of my questions, like, "Who sent me the charm necklace?" "What were those shields?" "Who was the wise man?" The wise man also didn't just seem wise, something about him also told me he was magical. Another question I'd like to know the answer to is, "Why was that person there trying to take away/destroy the brass plate-like things?"

One other thing of note: There is more blue in my dreams again. I've been seeing this a lot lately. So much that I know it must mean something.

Feel free to leave any interpretations, questions or comments about this dream on my blog.